A personal tribute

[#1]

  By Calvin Zito, @HPStorageGuy

Earlier this year I wrote a blog that had nothing to do with storage - I wrote about my Dad and his experience of being a POW in WWII Germany.  I'd like to write another personal tribute blog, this time about my Mom. 

My birth Mom died from a ruptured brain aneurysm when I was 8 months old.  She was only 32 years old and left my Dad a widower with six kids.  I don't exactly know why but my Dad's brothers and sisters convinced him that the best thing to do was to split all of us kids up with different family members.  So my Dad dealt with the pain of losing his wife and tried to figure out how he would handle six kids ranging from less than one year old to almost ten years old.  

My Dad worked two different jobs - he had a part-time night job at Batavia Downs, a local horse racing track in my home town of Batavia, NY, where he worked with Marian.  Marian had raised three of her own kids who were grown and on their own.  As my Dad later told the story, here's what happened:

"Many times I brought the children with me (to Batavia Downs) and that is how Marian met them.  Marian and I went out picnicking and a romance developed.  We had discussed marriage and I left it up to her: if she wanted to get married she just had to tell me.  We attended a school party for one of the boys in 1966 and after the party Marian told me we were going to visit her brother and she said, 'and by the way, we are going to get married.'  We went to a Justice of the Peace and on December 20, 1966 we were married."

I was four and half years old when they got married.  Years later, I remember hearing that Mom told my Dad that his kids needed a family, needed to be together and that was a big reason behind her telling him they were getting married.  I didn't really appreciate this until I was older, had left Batavia to go to college, and begin working at HP.  My Mom had already raised her kids and married my Dad because she knew that our best chance was to be a family again.  This type of sacrifice was so typical of her.  I have told her many times how much I appreciated what she did for us.

My Mom took on a night job at our local community college, Genesee Community College, working from 6 PM to 2:30 AM.  She did this for several years and later retired from GCC.  She'd get home from work and pack our lunches for school the next day, often not going to bed until the wee small hours of the morning.

My parents helped shape who I am - teaching me the values like the importance of hard work, determination, reliability, self-discipline, integrity, importance of family, and much more.  They didn't have much but they made sure we had what we needed.  I like to tell people that my high school graduation gift from them was a one way ticket to Phoenix to attend college.  But after my first semester, I needed surgery for a sports related injury and they brought me back to Batavia to recover even though I know that was a stretch for them. 

My Mom spent the last several years of her life selflessly serving my Dad.  My Dad's health was declining and he had a hard time sleeping.  I remember on one trip to visit them with my wife, we were going to sleep and suddenly my Dad started banging on the floor with his foot and loudly calling out "Marian".  I jumped up thinking something was wrong and ran into my Dad's bedroom.  I asked him if he was ok and he told me he was hungry and was calling my Mom to bring him a sandwich, which she happily did.

She's an avid Buffalo Bills and Buffalo Sabres fan.  My Dad didn't care much for sports and could never understand why she enjoyed football and hockey so much.  A few years ago, she was hanging a Bills flag at the beginning of football season and fell from the ladder she was on breaking her leg.  She needed surgery to repair the damage and it seemed to be the event that began the onset of dementia.

It was hard to watch her lose more and more of her memory.  After my Dad died, she would tell me that he was out and didn't know when he was coming home.  I would tell her that Dad had died and she'd say she was waiting for the other Frank (my Dad's name) to come home.  Over the last year, it got much worse.  At the beginning of the year, she knew who I was when I called her but our telephone calls were always very short and she'd say the same thing every time - "I miss you honey; I wish you didn't live so far away; Nice talking to you."  Looking back, I regret not calling her more often to hear her say those three simple sentences. 

In mid-December, I was visiting my Mom near Batavia - where she lives with family that cares for her.  On the first day I arrived, she didn't know who I was.  I told her several times that I was her son and told her my name.  After repeating that to her many times, she knew I was her son but didn't remember my name.  I shared pictures of my wife and kids from a recent vacation we took and she really enjoyed that. 

On the next day, she had a massive stroke.  She hasn't spoken since and has a confused look most of the time.  The doctors are telling us that there is no hope for her - she can't swallow, has limited movement, and because of the pre-existing dementia has almost no brain function.  

I'm writing this really for me - it's theraputic.  She won't be able to read this and probably won't understand it when I read it to her (I'm planning on to be with her while she's in hospice care).  She knew how special I think she is and I told her many times how much I appreciated everything she did for us. She knows that I love her and I know that she loves me.  She was a selfless giver unlike anyone I've met.

As we begin a New Year, make the most of every moment you have with your loved ones.

Happy New Year. 

[#2]

Calvin -

What a wonderful story! Your "mom" sounds like a great lady. I missed the WWII story about your dad. On to that one next.

Dave

[#3]

Calvin, thanks for sharing this. The story brought me to tears as I finished reading it. I wish you and your family the best in dealing with the eventuals here. God Bless. -- Gerry

[#4]

Thanks Dave - obviously I think my Mom is an incredible lady.  I'm glad that I've told her so and have almost no regrets.

Gerry - thanks my friend.  I appreciate it.

[#5]

Calvin, Thanks for sharing. What an incredible story and your mother is one exceptional lady. Hope everything goes well. Thanks for the timely reminder for all of us to make the most of every moment with our loved ones.

Take care,

Mia

[#6]

Calvin.  I was sad to read this but at the same time uplifted by the way you invoked the tremendous spirit of your parents.  I almost feel like I know them.  Whilst your Mom's memory may have faded your memories of her will not.  Best wishes to you and your family.  

Lee

[#7]

Hi Calvin,

I enjoyed reading your story, thank you for sharing. My mother had a stroke, which eventually took her life back in October 2005. It seems like yesterday, and we all miss her so much. God Bless her and all of your family.

Take care,

Rich

[#8]

A wonderful tribute Calvin. Thanks for sharing it. Lots of gifts in your story. Best wishes to you, Polly

[#9]

Mia, Lee, Rich, and Polly - thanks so much for the kind words.  I'm in fact leaving in a few hours to be with my Mom as she's moved to hospice.  Thanks again, Calvin

[#10]

Calvin, this is quite a tribute to your Mom! It brought tears to my eyes.   Thank you for reminding us let tell our folks how much we  love them and know how very much they  mean to us!  Thank you and God bless!

[#11]

Hey Calvin,

My thoughts are with you and your family.  Like others have said, thanks for sharing.  I can't imaging how difficult it is for you to go through but it's incredibly valuable from us on the outside looking in.

--Ed

[#12]

Hey Monica - not just our folks but all of those family and friends who are important to us.  

Ed - thanks for your kind words and all the best with your new job.

Calvin

[#13]

Hi Calvin

That is a nice tribute to the wonderful spirit of a wonderful lady. Best wishes to you and your family. May God bless you all..

Prabhakar

[#14]

HI Calvin -- thanks for sharing; it is SO touching!  My thoughts are with you during this time and bravo to you for TAKING the time to be there with your Mom.  She is lucky to have you too.

[#15]

Calvin, thanks for sharing this story.  Your mother is a wonderful lady, as your tribute to her proves.  I wish you and your family all of God's blessings.

[#16]

Prabhakar, Debbie, and Julie,

I appreciate you stoping by and leaving your comments.  

Calvin

[#17]

Calvin, your story really touched my heart as I sit here weeping while typing this. Thank you for sharing this beautiful story about your mother. May the peace of God be with her and your entire family.

[#18]

Thanks Calvin for sharing your heartfelt note.

 Just as the Lord says our labor is not in vain in Him..and we are to honor our parents. May you be encouraged that God delights the doers of His word and blessings will surely come upon you. Do continue to trust and grow deeply in God!

[#19]

Kendra and Chermaine,

I've been surprised by the number of people who've left comments.  Its's been encouraging and I want to thank you both and everyone else who has been so kind.

Thank you again!  Calvin

[#20]

Calvin,

A very moving tribute. I lost my mom 17 years ago now, but I still feel her influence every day. My best wishes are with you.

[#21]

Hi Calvin,

Your mom sounds like a wonderful, generous woman and she represents the heart of Batavia. I'm so glad you were with her in her last moments. Her spirit lives on through you.

Best regards,

Susie

[#22]

Hi Steve - those special people in our lives will influence us all of our days.  Thanks for sharing here.

Susie - thanks very much.  Batavia did loose a special person.  Maybe some day we'll both be here at the same time and actually meet.  Thanks again.

And as an update - my Mom did pass away earlier today (January 13).  I was with her - she was peaceful and didn't suffer..  The last words she heard moments before she died was me saying, "I love you, Mom".  

Thank you again to all of you who've left comments here or sent condolences and encouragement via Twitter.  It's meant a lot to me.  

All the best - Calvin

[#23]

Calvin; my sincere and heartfelt condolences on the loss of your mom.  I grew up in the suburbs of Buffalo, I understand the culture and how hard it is to be so far away when your family needs you.  My family are die-hard Bills and Sabre fans - I'm sure your mom will be cheering from heaven with the rest of the angels.  I wish you and your family peace and comfort during this sad time.

[#24]

Calvin, I'am a friend of Charlene. Myself and my Family has know your Family for many many years. I just wanted to let you know what a wonderful story that was. And that Your Mother and your entire Family are in my Prayers. God Bless to all of you. Val

[#25]

Calvin, I am so very sorry to hear the news about the passing of your Mom. The tribute you have written about her is touching and exemplifies the great wife, mother, and woman that she was. May her memory and the times you shared as a family remain with you forever. You are in our thoughts and prayers.

[#26]

So sorry to hear your mom passed but what a blessing that you were able to be with her during her final days.  Thanks for sharing your childhood memories of her...truly paints a picture of how special of a woman she was.   God bless.  Eric

[#27]

Calvin, what a touching tribute...you were (and still are) truly blessed.

[#28]

Calvin I am so glad that you were able to be with her when she passed. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family!  

[#29]

Hi Calvin

Was very moved and at the same very impressed to see the love you have for your mother... I am sure she must have been a great women who has been a source of inspiration for you to write such a nice article.. I am sure she must be very proud of you..

Hope her soul rests in peace...